``It's ... I mean .... he was a good friend,'' Vickers finally offered.

Overshadowed by the fallout of the mistake Vickers made on the last lap at Talladega, Ala., when he accidentally wrecked teammate Jimmie Johnson and Dale Earnhardt Jr., is that the victory he stole would have thrilled his late friend.

It's been almost two years since the Hendrick Motorsports plane crash that killed Ricky Hendrick and nine others, an accident that hit Vickers extremely hard. Ricky helped Vickers get his big break in NASCAR, and he died on Vickers' 21st birthday.

And his absence is perhaps a huge reason why Vickers has opted to leave Hendrick at the end of this season to join a new team, where he can start fresh and free from the pain and the memories. It also will allow him to emerge from the shadows of Johnson, Jeff Gordon and Kyle Busch, teammates who all seem to have an easier path to Victory Lane.

So the win on Sunday in the No. 25 Chevrolet _ the team Ricky was running at the time of his death _ was therapeutic in a way. No matter the circumstances and drama that surrounded it, it set Vickers free once and for all.

``Ricky wanted Brian in an awful bad way to drive the Busch car, and Brian has been like family and he's travelled with us,'' team owner Rick Hendrick said Thursday. ``I think sometimes its almost like a kid, who, Jeff and Jimmie are established and Kyle's already won, and although Brian has done well, it's almost like Ricky is not there and things don't feel the same for him.''

``He's got a chance to be the star in this other program and get a fresh start, and maybe he was carrying around too much baggage that he couldn't control _ dealing with the missing part of the team.''

Vickers doesn't speak publicly about Ricky, and he makes it clear with short, curt responses when pressed. At 22 years old, he's mature beyond his years, but young enough to still lack the ability to deal with raw emotion.

Winning one for Ricky was something for Vickers to celebrate, but he's saddened that the circumstances of that coveted victory have tainted it. Vickers was in third on the last lap when, in his effort to push Johnson past Earnhardt into the lead, he instead caused the two leaders to crash.

``It's very much a relief that I got that win,'' Vickers said. ``Winning in the 25 for Ricky was the one thing I really wanted to do before I left. It's unfortunate that I made a mistake, it wasn't intentional, it was a mistake, but I made it and its overshadowed what should have been a time to celebrate.''

``That's just life, I guess.''

When Vickers showed up at Lowe's Motor Speedway on Friday _ without the extra security track officials had shamelessly offered him to protect him from angry Earnhardt fans _ the controversy surrounding that final lap was the dominant conversation.

_No, he had not talked to Johnson yet.

_Yes, he hopes their friendship can be repaired.

_Not a chance he's raced Johnson and Gordon any harder than usual lately.

_He knows its ``clearly time'' for him to move on from Hendrick Motorsports.

_He isn't sure how he'll be received on the race track or in the grandstands.

Gordon has a pretty good sense that it will be rough going over the final six weeks of the season for his young friend, who is leaving to drive a Toyota for Team Red Bull next year.

``The toughest thing is on Brian now,'' Gordon said. ``I think he's got a lot of people out there against him right now. He's gonna really learn some valuable lessons, because he's gonna be feeling a lot of the heat in a lot of the kitchen.''

``There's nothing really we can do or say. It's just an experience that he's gonna have to go through.''

Although he and Johnson had yet to speak, Vickers was still able to turn to Gordon, and went out to lunch with Hendrick earlier in the week.

No matter what happens next, Vickers thinks he's prepared to handle it head-on.

``Dale Earnhardt always said, `I don't care if they're hollering for me or booing me, as long as they're making noise,''' he said.