Ed Hartwell is tired of hurting. He's tired of rehabbing. And most of all, he's tired of watching other guys play the game he loves so much.
The Atlanta Falcons linebacker missed much of 2005 after tearing his Achilles tendon. Then, just two weeks before the start of this season, he underwent arthroscopic surgery on both knees, knocking him out of the first three games.
Hartwell returned to practice this week and is questionable for Sunday's game against Arizona.
While it might be more prudent to hold out Hartwell _ in effect, giving him two more weeks of recovery time because the Falcons (2-1) are off the following Sunday _ he's eager to get back in the game.
``This is the best I've felt in two years,'' he insisted.
Hartwell was Atlanta's major free-agent signing going into last season, a fierce hitter who was expected to be a run-stopping force in the middle of the defence. But he hurt his right knee in the second pre-season game, an injury he only disclosed publicly this week.
``A lot of people don't know that when I first got here, I took a shot on the knee,'' Hartwell said. ``I played on a bad knee for five games.''
He couldn't play through the injured Achilles tendon, which ended his season in Week 5. A couple of weeks after undergoing surgery, he had another operation to fix his knee. That was followed by a gruelling period of workouts, all designed to strengthen his leg and get him ready to go this season.
``I didn't have a life,'' Hartwell said. ``My life was rehab.''
Maybe he overdid it. Maybe he just ignored the pain that cropped up in both knees. Whatever the case, he finally consented to more surgery during the pre-season, knowing it would keep him out of a several games but would be better in the long run.
``It's heartbreaking when you rehab as hard as I did,'' he said. ``But my knees were in bad shape. It was the best decision for the team to sit out a couple of games.''
Hartwell has been working on the scout team in practice and seems to be moving around just fine. In all likelihood, his return to the field will be gradual. Perhaps he'll start out in a backup spot, his role limited to the obvious run situations he plays so well.
Coach Jim Mora knows how tough it's been for Hartwell to watch _ especially when the Falcons had all sorts of trouble stopping the run last season.
``It's been a tough year for him,'' Mora said. ``He came in here with a lot of promise. I'm sure he had high hopes for a good season and doing big things. Then he tore his Achilles. He worked extremely hard to come back from it and was doing a good job coming back. Then he has issues with his knees. He seemed very frustrated.''
Mora has noticed a change in Hartwell's demeanour over the last few days.
``It kind of looks like he's perking back up a little bit,'' the coach said. ``I hope that's an indicator of good things to come for him. You don't want to see a guy go through what he went through. And it wasn't like a few little nicks. These were legitimate injuries that he's worked very hard to come back from.''
Hartwell can take his time coming back, knowing the defence has allowed just one touchdown through the first three games. Five-time Pro Bowler Keith Brooking is holding things down at middle linebacker, while Michael Boley and Demorrio Williams are playing well on the outside.
Whatever the role, Hartwell is ready.
``I just want to be out there with my boys,'' he said. ``I hate watching football.''